geekymommy: (Default)
Today is 29 days till my EDD. Baby could come before or baby could come after. Not too far after though. Back in April I was diagnosed with Gestational DM. I had really hoped to avoid it but from my readings, it seems that sometimes it happens even if you take precautions. So, I am one of those lucky ones.

With GD, the perinatal office has stated that they don’t normally allow the mother to go more than two days over her due date and potentially, I could be induced. I would probably still put up a fight as to WHY it’s would be necessary to induce me because I believe that a person needs to be an advocate for themselves or have an advocate when it comes to doctors and medicines. I know that doctors have medical knowledge I do not but I also have knowledge they do not. I know my body more than they do and I have a right to question them.

I really would rather not be induced. I really would like the labor process to being on its own. I don’t feel comfortable with the idea that induction can fail and then I would be required to have a C-section. I want to experience labor and delivery naturally. I will accept medical intervention if it’s needed but if it’s not medically necessary, I don’t see the need. I see it more as doctors taking an opportunity. The medical profession is a business, birth is a business. Every procedure and test I agree to have is more money for them. I don’t know exactly how much my insurance is paying them-I don’t have to pay out of pocket-but I’m sure it’s substantial.

Since my last ultra sound a week ago, the doctor estimates my baby is in the 85% for weight. He said she is estimated to being close to 6 pounds. She’s not too big but apparently on the bigger end. They aren’t saying for sure right now that I will have to be induced or just have a C-section. As long as I can keep my sugars under control, it shouldn’t make her grow massively. Still even if that works out and she isn’t a massive baby that they would be afraid to let me give birth vaginally; there is still the still the risk that they will decide I need to be induced, the induction fails and I have to have a C-section.

I really hope baby decides to come on her own.
geekymommy: (Default)
Yesterday I watched the new trailer for the third Captain America movie and now that I’ve slept and had time to process it, I have thoughts.

Firstly I am so excited for this movie. When the first Captain America movie came out, I was feeling really underwhelmed about it but the movie had heart and I did not expect that. I was caught off guard by the feels and the second movie for the Captain America line blew my mind. I had no idea that I wanted to see a Super Hero political thriller but I did and thank you, Russo Brothers, for giving us that. I have faith in them as directors to make this third movie really enjoyable.

With that said, I’m clearly Team Cap. And I read the Civil War comic. I know there are good points on either side though it really irked me that Iron man’s group did some things that were so very much in the realm of human rights violations and close to what I would look at as fascism.

I know they can’t/aren’t going to do exactly the plot of Civil War. The directors and creative team have said as much. And as many people have pointed out before: there just aren’t enough super heroes established in the Mavel movieverse to do the epic war scenario that the comic was based around. Also the big conflict between Tony and Steve was the idea of revealing the identities of superheroes so they are monitored by the government. The MCU doesn’t seem to care much about secret identities. Everyone knows Tony Stark is Iron Man, Black Widow dumped all her info on the internet and Steve Rogers had a museum exhibit about his life. So, there’s no secret identities to be protected. Other than maybe Spiderman’s because that’s always been his hang up.

Overall, it really just seems to be a simpler version of “Government oversight”
What bothers me about this idea is their examples of why they need government oversight: 1.) The alien attack on New York in Avengers, 2.) Hydra/Shield trying to commit mass murder and the destruction of a government facility, 3.) The attack of a foreign country by an AI. Hopefully the movie gives more reasoning then that because it really looks like they’re saying superheroes need oversight for incidents that had government involvement. They were already overseeing the superheroes during Avengers and Captain pretty much worked for the government in The Winter Soldier and then in Avengers 2 was a problem started by Tony Stark.

A part of me thinks it’s almost brilliant in a way though and a social commentary on the director’s part. I can totally imagine the government making a move like this and not even bother to accept any responsibility for their own part in it and Tony Stark is rich and influential. He would never need to face consequences. I’ve watched enough “rich person gets away with murder” on the Murder channel (ID Investigation) to know that’s how things go. The rich have privilege that the common do not.

Really, I’m hoping the whole government oversight conflict and cap vs. iron man thing doesn’t outweigh what I really am interested in. I want to see conflict based around Bucky. I want the feels of that. The captain America movies have something that other super hero movies do not. They have a heart. They have been about the characters and not the action and that’s what I want. I want a movie that is based around the characters. Actions are nice but characterization with some action sprinkles would make me happy.

Like I said earlier, I have faith in the Russo brothers and I am still super excited for this movie.

Though I do have one major complaint: Spiderman’s outfit. What the heck? It looks like they ran out of budget and he was added in last minute. His coloring is so off compared to the rest of the trailer and he looks so animated compared to the other characters. I could say a lot about CGI but that would just add another couple pages to this rant. I just hope that Spiderman in the trailer is not the finished product.
geekymommy: (Default)
Last week I had crazy paranoid thoughts about my maternity leave.

I normally don’t like taking more than a few days off at a time. A week off at the longest. I was raised with the belief that absence needs to be justified. The only way I got out of going to school, was I had to be vomiting or dying. Maybe this kind of thinking during my childhood has made me extremely paranoid about missing days. I have to severely justify to myself why I can’t go to work if I need to take a sick day. I am just not comfortable missing time and information. I have heard too many stories of someone going away on vacation and then coming back and being told "Oh, we no longer need you!" That is a terrifying prospect to me.

By my calculations and going by my EDD, I will 39 paid days (A combination of 225 hours of sick time and earned vacation time) and 1 paid holiday during my maternity leave. That’s 8 weeks. Yeah I could do FMLA and get 4 additional weeks but they would be unpaid and I’m just not comfortable with that. My bills need to be paid.

What set off the paranoid thoughts were that realization that I could go earlier then my EDD on June 25th. It’s just an estimation after all and I’m a big supporter of “Baby comes when baby is ready”. What makes that notion bothersome to me is that I recently received a promotion of Supervisor at my job and at my job there is a probation period of 6 months after promotions. My probation ends on June 21st. My plan right now is to work till the baby comes. So far, it’s going well. The pregnancy has been good to me. I haven’t had any sickness or severe nauseas. I still have three months to or so to go, so a part of me is waiting for the other foot to drop. Maybe the third trimester will be terrible compared to the first two but right now, I’m still going with my plan of working till I pop.

When I’m gone, there will need to be a replacement supervisor to pick up my slack during those 8 weeks. At a recent training one of the nurses had a mentioned who my potential replacement was. We worked together as assessors, we’re friendly with each other, she came to my wedding and one of the more awkward things about my promotion to supervisor was that I would be taking the place of the person that had supervised her. She applied for the position and I really believed she was going to get it at the time. I have no idea why they picked me over her and that lack of confidence started the paranoid thoughts.

What if they like her in the position better then they like me?

What if they think she’s more organized then me?

What if she’s more helpful to the other supervisors then me?

It took nearly all week for me to realize that the snatching the job out of me for my temporary replacement would be an illegal move. My father had actually asked me when I expressed my fears to him what made me think I was less qualified then her. It made me question why I am doubting myself so much. I would hope it’s only because this is a new position and I am pregnant that are causing me to feel vulnerable but I even remember times even as an assessor where I would feel like I am on top of my game, impressing my superiors and then I make one mistake and my confidence shrivels down to nothingness.

I should know my worth. I should have faith that the system won’t screw me over just because I am a woman and pregnant woman who will have what some companies view as “Outside barriers to completing the job” I have to have faith that this job is not like that and that all I do for them will be honored and respected.
Most importantly though I think I should remember that this person that will likely be subbing for me is not a conniving person. She is also a mother. She knows what I’m going through. She would not stoop to subterfuge in order to gain an upper hand.

I will keep all these things in mind to stave off the crazy. I shouldn’t stress about time off. This is time I have earned through my work. This is time I will need to heal and time I will need to bond with the baby.
geekymommy: (Default)
I’ve noticed a habit in myself. My likes and dislike of certain topics depends heavily on the situation I am currently in. For instance, even before I got engaged, I began watching shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Bridezilla”. The later actually became something my whole family took enjoyment in and I think if it were still on today, I probably would be watching it as long as the bride/groom in question was interesting enough. That show was full of psychology.

I tended to stay away from Forums. I spent exactly a day on The Knot, reading through some threads and participating in one before deciding these were not the people that I wanted to be associated with. I did find some online sites enjoyable like Off Beat Bride and a few other “alternative wedding” sites. Which I find kind funny looking back. My church ceremony was fairly traditional as long as you ignore the Final Fantasy Music that played in the beginning and I would say that other than the video game tournament we held during the reception that was also rather traditional. If there was anything that I took from these sites it was “You don’t need all the fluff if you can’t afford all the fluff” and “It’s your wedding. Do what you want.” I found that to be a nice message and much more helpful compared to The Knot’s “THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO DO IT!” and my favorite bit of advice from them: “If you get no confirmation from a guest, you can’t assume they won’t show up. Pay for their meal anyway”.

The wedding came and went a little over a year ago and my interest in anything wedding has dropped substantially. I think this is normal for most women (except some of the women from the Knot who seem to stick around the forums for years just to tell brides to be how they are doing it wrong). I’ve seen Say yes to the Dress and reruns of Bridezilla pop up from time to time and I just can’t bring myself to watch them.

Now, I’m pregnant and while I’ve said before that I want nothing to do with any online forums for pregnancy and mothering, I do find myself really enjoying reading old Live journal Drama from Parenting 101, Parent Drama, Stupid free, WTF Pregnancy and many others. Why read the drama instead of actual parenting advice and positive places? I don’t know. Maybe I want to see the “darkside” of parenting so I know what not to do. Though some of the situations that were told on those forums were very obvious in what not to do and how to react. Maybe as a first time mother I am very worried about how this whole thing will play out and seeing these mothers and fathers do so badly makes me feel that I can’t possibly be any worse than them.

However after reading from these communities-most of which became inactive between 2009 and 2010, I find myself wanting to be involved in something that is more up to date.

So far, I’ve began following three groups on facebook: Mommies Helping Mommies and STFU Parents and Santimommy. My love for drama continues. Though Mommies Helping Mommies does seem like a nice group that really are there for each other. Good for them. I haven’t actually commented or made a post in any of these groups yet but I can see it happening one day. I just don’t really have need for any advice right now that wouldn’t make more sense to ask any of the many professional health care providers that are available for questions rather than asking strangers on the internet.

We did cave and post a general pregnancy announcement on facebook when we found out about the gender of the baby. Mainly it was for my families benefit. We don’t tend to talk to each other so telling one family member doesn’t guarantee the others will find out. I had planned on sending out pregnancy announcements but between having to send that and then send a baby shower invitation it all felt like wedding planning 2.0. Facebook was just easier and now I don’t have to worry about it.

Will my interest in parenting and pregnancy blogs and social media drop off once the baby comes? Probably not since parenting doesn’t stop for the next 18 years or more. I’m sure over time I’ll be more interested in parenting through different ages and stages. Do they make parenting groups for parents with teenagers? They should.
geekymommy: (Default)
When I was in college I took a genetics class to fulfill my required science credits. Silly me decided that Biology 101 would be too boring. I didn't terribly in the class but it was certainly designed for science majors and not a Psychology major who was taking it "just because...".

Aside from making me a little paranoid that one day my genes could switch on something and my body decides "Hey, you're allergic to sun now, have fun." What I took away from that class was the thought that if I was going have children, I wanted to have my first child before the age of thirty.

As of today I am 21 weeks pregnant and in 15 days I will be 30-years-old. Close enough!

I'm actually very happy that I am having my first child now and not earlier. To be completely honest, it was not till about a month or so before we found out that I had conceived did I have this feeling that I am truly ready to no longer be selfish. I felt that I was mentally and emotionally in a place where I can-with the help of my husband-take care of another human being. To me, this feeling was very important. Yes, I still have my doubts about this life altering step. I am not saying that I have an abundance of over confidence that I will be the best mom ever. This will be a challenge. This will be possibly the biggest challenge that we will face. I feel that I am ready for all the frustrating, exhausting, thrilling, terrifying, funny, mind blowing moments that parenthood will bring. If it's not challenging, it's not worthwhile in the end. It's what I tell my husband constantly when he gets frustrated with a video game where he's dying over and over and over again.

I'm sure I'll be telling that exact same thing to myself many more times over the next 18 years.

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Valerie

May 2016

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